Comment Wall

Here is my portfolio website.







The Aspen-Snowmass mountain range, capped with snow.
Source: Commons

Comments

  1. Hello Christian.
    My first story was inspired by "Goblin City" as well and you did a good job making the story your own. It's really neat reading a new version of the story and I much prefer your story over the original. The events of your story flow and make sense (unlike the random flying horse that ends up saving some of the men in the original). I really liked that you added to the conflict between the crew members and you did a really good job with the dialogue. I also really like the picture you chose, it gives the whole tropical welcoming vibe that is a trap for sailors. I really liked the idea of them being witches with magical talismans too. I do wonder why the captain's wife-to-be would take it off near him though. Maybe something could happen where it breaks or falls off? Or maybe the witches create the talismans using some ritual that involves the men and it loses power before the captain is sacrificed? Just a thought, but that could tie in the talismans and witches really well if the reader can find out where the talismans came from. You could expand the story with a bit of background for the witches. We know they hate humans and especially men but we don't know why and I know I'm curious to know.

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  2. Hi Christian!

    I overall really enjoyed your first story for your portfolio. The "Goblin City" is one of the most popular stories I have noticed people enjoy covering, so it was interesting to see your take on it. I really like how you renamed some of the main characters Morgan and Jack, as they are a lot more modern than the original stories characters. It was also cool how you turned the magical goblins into cannibals. Personally, I was a little creeped out, in a good way, as I could see this being a lot more realistic than the original. These cannibal witches reminded me of the witch from Hansel and Gretel, the original grim story. I think it could be helpful to add another picture of the island, like a before and after and showing the real side of the island. I am interested to see how the other stories will play out on your portfolio!

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  3. Hi Christian!
    I love the development you used to describe the deceitful appearance of the witches as an introduction to your story. One would often expect that a beautiful appearance is correlated with a similar personality; however, this is often not the case. Although, I have found that people appear more beautiful on the outside if they are kind to others-- perhaps this is just an illusion to me though. It is this about these witches that make them most powerful when targeting the men. Because some men's weakness is from lust and looks, some of them can be blinded by the looks despite any red flags. I think the introduction and substitution of witches for goblins, could allow for great imagery. You could use intense detail about the beauty they portrayed on the outside and then even more intense detail regarding how they appear when they turn into cannibals. This could intensify the story and add an element of horror. I can't wait to see where this storybook goes!

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  4. Christian, just after reading your title, I was extremely intrigued to read the story. Just a conclusion I reached after reading your story is that no one would know about these witches since they would eat the men and not let them leave to tell their story! I guess Morgan is now the only man able to share his story haha. I have not read Goblin City, so I went to read that after your piece, it was quite interesting and I liked your retelling of it. You are a very good writer and I think if you keep this writing style in your future pieces, that will be great! I liked that this story exemplified the notion that sometimes things can be "too good to be true". This concept can help keep us centered and humble. In your writing, I think you do a wonderful job of setting the scene and used a great deal of imagery to describe the witches, the men, and the island. It allows the reader to feel as if they are in the scene with the actors. Great Job!

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  5. Christian,

    I was also inspired by the rakshasis of Goblin City, and I wrote my first story around it, too! I love that you're renaming them as witches. If someone outside of this class read it, the use of "rakshasas" might be confusing. Additionally, you possess great writing skills! Your story is written so beautifully. Something that I noticed is that a lot of your sentences are of similar length, so when read aloud it sounds a little choppy. Maybe you could put some of the simpler sentences together to make complex sentences? I think it is great how Captain Morgan overheard the witches and the imagery you offer is great. I know it was probably your intention to not describe the fate of the other men, but I think it might be interesting to include something at the end about how the rest of the men were eaten or something like that. Overall, I really enjoyed your story!

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  6. Hey Christian! Great job on your portfolio so far! Just to start from the top (literally), did you know your Witches' Island story is still labeled as "First Story" in the site navigation? I wasn't sure if you had meant to leave it like that. The story itself was absolutely fabulous and I enjoyed reading it very much! I really like that you used the name Captain Morgan. Was that pun intentional? Lord knows we could all use an island drink or two these days. The title of your second story is absolutely on point and I chuckled when I read it. Giving his best friend such a simple, stereotypical white dude name like "Dave" was great! I appreciate that you just sort of let the story happen without really knowing what you wanted to write when you started. I'm not much of a writer myself, but every once in a while I'll hit that groove and it's such a great feeling! I'm glad to see you having fun with this project and it definitely gets conveyed to the reader. Great work!

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  7. Hi Christian, I love the look of your portfolio, especially that banner image on your home page. Some quick editing things I noticed before we get into the actual writing of your stories are your page titles on your home page. Maybe changing "first story" to "Witches' Island" so it is uniform with the other titles. Also make sure you capitalize "The Child of Prophecy". I really enjoyed the Witches' Island story! I read the original of that and it really stuck out to me as an interesting story. I like how you gave character names and a more personal touch to the story. It makes the characters really come alive in a super entertaining way. I also remember the original story line in your second story! I like the stories you chose to retell and how they are familiar to me as it makes me so excited to read the changes and differences you made to make it more you. One last thing, I really like how you have landscape and sky pictures as your banners. It is very aesthetically pleasing and simple, but also gives a much larger hint to the stories.

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